Is A Name Just A Name?
Twenty-nine years ago, my husband and I couldn’t agree on names for our second child. In those days, names were far less creative than they are now. You didn’t just make something up, or use fruits and vegetables as your templates. When we were children, schools were loaded with Debbie’s, Billy’s, and Patty’s. My name, Shelley, was considered a bit outré. I constantly had to spell it out (I still do), and correct people when they thought I said “Shelby” or “Shirley.” I was often asked why my parents named me that. I wanted to fit in, not stand out. I would have been happy to be a Karen or a Laurie. No explanations needed there.
We’d already had issues three years before, when naming our first child had also been a cause of contention. Trying to name a second baby became a bad case of déjá vu, so when I found a book of baby names listing the most popular names used throughout the world, I hoped we could get guidance. Since our last name was “Houlihan,” the first country I scanned was Ireland. Lo and behold, the name “Brenna” was listed as one of the most popular names in Ireland, and we both liked it! Nobody we knew had heard of it, but we reasoned the name couldn’t be too strange, since it was so darn popular in Ireland. Our baby was born, and she became “Brenna.”
Twenty two years later, on a trip to Ireland, we met a local couple. In the course of things, they asked what we’d named our children. We told them. Nods and smiles for “Meghan,” which, of course, is an Irish name. When we said “Brenna,” they commented how pretty the name was, and how unusual.
“Isn’t it one of the most popular names here in Ireland?” I asked incredulously.
They shook their heads in wonder. “Where did you hear that?” they asked. “We’ve never heard that name before!”
Had we been scammed all those years before by a writer of baby names books, or was this nice couple toying with us? We had a sense it was the former, but couldn’t be sure until just yesterday, when my husband met the Irish Ambassador to the United States, a charming and accomplished woman hailing from County Tipperary. Over the course of their conversation, he thought to ask the question we’d wondered about since meeting that couple in Ireland.
“Was ‘Brenna’ one of the most popular names in Ireland?” he asked.
Her brow furrowed, and she smiled. “I’ve never heard it before,” she replied.
Somewhere the author of that baby name book is still laughing.
If you think about it, naming a child is one of the only decisions we make for our children without their (even inadvertent) input, and names are loaded with meanings we might not even recognize at the time. Most parents have a vision for their children based on their own hopes, dreams, and, yes, fears. We wanted a name that was non-threatening yet exceptional, probably like the child we wanted. The fact is that children are who they are the moment they enter the world. We can round out their edges, but letting our children be who they are meant to be is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Thinking, or acting, as if we have complete control over anything other than their name is misbegotten. We supply love, boundaries, and a safe haven for them, but child rearing is best a partnership, not a dictatorship, on either end.
The reality is “Brenna” was never a popular name in Ireland. It probably wasn’t popular anywhere, but we believed it was. It made naming our child less scary, and heaven knows new parents have enough to worry about. In the end, though, it showed us that a name is just a name. And it’s so much more.
Twenty-nine years ago, my husband and I couldn’t agree on names for our second child. In those days, names were far less creative than they are now. You didn’t just make something up, or use fruits and vegetables as your templates. When we were children, schools were loaded with Debbie’s, Billy’s, and Patty’s. My name, Shelley, was considered a bit outré. I constantly had to spell it out (I still do), and correct people when they thought I said “Shelby” or “Shirley.” I was often asked why my parents named me that. I wanted to fit in, not stand out. I would have been happy to be a Karen or a Laurie. No explanations needed there.
We’d already had issues three years before, when naming our first child had also been a cause of contention. Trying to name a second baby became a bad case of déjá vu, so when I found a book of baby names listing the most popular names used throughout the world, I hoped we could get guidance. Since our last name was “Houlihan,” the first country I scanned was Ireland. Lo and behold, the name “Brenna” was listed as one of the most popular names in Ireland, and we both liked it! Nobody we knew had heard of it, but we reasoned the name couldn’t be too strange, since it was so darn popular in Ireland. Our baby was born, and she became “Brenna.”
Twenty two years later, on a trip to Ireland, we met a local couple. In the course of things, they asked what we’d named our children. We told them. Nods and smiles for “Meghan,” which, of course, is an Irish name. When we said “Brenna,” they commented how pretty the name was, and how unusual.
“Isn’t it one of the most popular names here in Ireland?” I asked incredulously.
They shook their heads in wonder. “Where did you hear that?” they asked. “We’ve never heard that name before!”
Had we been scammed all those years before by a writer of baby names books, or was this nice couple toying with us? We had a sense it was the former, but couldn’t be sure until just yesterday, when my husband met the Irish Ambassador to the United States, a charming and accomplished woman hailing from County Tipperary. Over the course of their conversation, he thought to ask the question we’d wondered about since meeting that couple in Ireland.
“Was ‘Brenna’ one of the most popular names in Ireland?” he asked.
Her brow furrowed, and she smiled. “I’ve never heard it before,” she replied.
Somewhere the author of that baby name book is still laughing.
If you think about it, naming a child is one of the only decisions we make for our children without their (even inadvertent) input, and names are loaded with meanings we might not even recognize at the time. Most parents have a vision for their children based on their own hopes, dreams, and, yes, fears. We wanted a name that was non-threatening yet exceptional, probably like the child we wanted. The fact is that children are who they are the moment they enter the world. We can round out their edges, but letting our children be who they are meant to be is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. Thinking, or acting, as if we have complete control over anything other than their name is misbegotten. We supply love, boundaries, and a safe haven for them, but child rearing is best a partnership, not a dictatorship, on either end.
The reality is “Brenna” was never a popular name in Ireland. It probably wasn’t popular anywhere, but we believed it was. It made naming our child less scary, and heaven knows new parents have enough to worry about. In the end, though, it showed us that a name is just a name. And it’s so much more.
